Suboptimist
I’m not quite a pessimist. I’m more of a suboptimist.

What can I say? I haven’t had a lot to say to you people.

I’ll give some updates as to what has been transpiring lately.

First, it’s hard to believe I’m already to October this semester. I am coming along on graduate school applications and will probably take the [computerized] GRE this December. I still haven’t narrowed down exactly where it is I want to apply. The University of Utah is obvious. As a graduate, I won’t even need the GRE. I can only have three others. ETS will only send GRE scores to three schools: University of Arizona, University of Washington, Northwestern University, University of Texas – Austin, Ohio State University and…one other. Honestly, I have an anxiety attack each time I even look at the applications. Poor, neurotic Rob.

Next, I’ve been trying to decide on a topic for my big Phonology III research topic. I’m actually pretty excited to work on the project, but I should, you know, think of something to do first. I considered looking into cross-height vowel harmony, characterized by languages like Kinande, and a rather interesting and not-too-understood Guatemalan isolate called Xinca. However, that’s been taken. Understandably, it’s been taken by my friend whose dissertation topic is on Xinca. Another idea is doing something in the realm of Optimality Theory (I’d link to the Wikipedia article for this, but it sucks). I’ve become pretty interested in learning algorithms, and Optimality theoretic explanations of diachronic phonological change. We’ll see what happens.

I also have to decide on a linguistic variable (specific to Utah) to study for sociolinguistics. While I am allowed to work on the same variable as somebody else, I want to do something unique. It can be syntactic, morphological, phonological…whatever. Any ideas?

Now, I hate to turn this into a LiveJournal post, but I’ve been struggling with the whole religion issue again lately. Spirituality is an important thing to me. A lot of people seem not to me seem not to want to allow me the privilege to worship how I please according to the dictates of my own conscience. The issue arises when I try to bring up religiously neutral topics. It gets frustrating.

In other, less serious news, my Xbox 360 experienced the infamous red ring of death. That pissed me off, now I can’t use my Saturday evenings, typically set aside for the pursuit of frivolity, to play the wonderful Eternal Sonata. Microsoft is repairing (or replacing) it for free, though. That’s not bad.

Finally, in closing, this poignant quote from the first emotionally stable female member of this organization since Meg, Emily Ward:

“Sex is funny.”

If you’re not familiar with Conservapedia yet, I highly recommend you make yourself acquainted with it, you know, to save yourself from the liberal propaganda peddled by Wikipedia. In all seriousness, though, the Wiki site created by the son of Conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly really is fun to read, if only to be amused by a presentation of brilliant idiocy. What caught my eye today was the article on Noam Chomsky (a more balanced approach here. Now, I may be falling in with a crowd of linguists that find themselves at odds with the Chomskyan tradition, but I think this characterization of Chomsky’s work is pure bullshot.

Generative Grammar

Noam Chomsky advocates the view that the human brain has innate ability to generate gramatical [sic] sentences, thus all utterances which is deemed sensical [sic] to the speaker is necessarily grammatical, and the only role the liguist [sic] should play is to decipher its grammatical structure. This view has been criticized by many linguists as nihilistic in that it rejects the notion of ungrammatical sentences. Noam Chomsky also pointed to instances of infants utter grammatical sentence fragments they have not been taught before as evidence for Generative Grammar.

Okay. What? First of all, how is Generative Grammar nihilistic? Second, this misses the point of generative theory entirely.

Universal Grammar

Noam Chomsky also proposed the theory that a kind of universal grammar, a grammar that underlies all human languages, is hard-wired in the human brain. Thus all human languages are fundamentally the same, with only superficial differences. This theory of universal grammar has been criticized by linguist Geoffrey Sampson as being not falsifiable, arguing that the grammatical generalizations made are simply observations about existing languages and not predictions about what is possible in a language. To this day, the search for such universal grammar has been fruitless.

For decades, Noam Chomsky and his followers have been trying to make sense of sentences such as:

Who will be easy for us to get his mother to talk to?

which are deemed to be ungrammatical by a lot of linguists; by using techniques such as linking theory, anti-c-command requirement, A-positions, Bijection Principle, weakest crossover configurations, bound variable anaphora, asymmetric linking, licensing conditions, index of apronoun [sic], null operator analysis, variable binding, configurational [sic] conditions, inappropriate and appropriate antecedents, etc.

I am not even sure how to parse this, especially that, “the search for such universal grammar has been fruitless.” So I am not even going to try. What I will say is how funny it is that apparently, according to our moral superiors at Conservapedia, the theories contained within Chomsky’s generative approach have disproved his theory of Universal Grammar. I guess there are wackos (on both sides) that will take non-political details of people they don’t like and find a way to politicize them.

There are valid criticisms of Chomsky. I am not completely convinced of Universal Grammar or the Competence-Performance model, for example. There is experimental evidence that could refute the latter (which is based on an “ideal” speaker-hearer community, i.e. two people) in that uniformity impedes language acquisition. Additionally, when linguists hear an utterance, they are only measuring performance. Competence is, for all intents and purposes, off limits to measurement.

Hmm…after I graduate, I am thinking human language technology…

A few gems from the Lord of the Rings Online: Shadows of Angmar Race of Man forum thread entitled, ‘Our breasts are not big enough’:

Maendark187

This is game breaking. DEVS

DEVS!

D E V S !

Tridelo

Snake? Snake?

Snaaaaaaaaaaake!

Jeffredo

Well my male Man (?) has no package. Talk about a nerf.

ZenofAnger

I roffled so hard.

Trixie

Wonder if they will institute the Plastic Surgeon profession in a future update?

Or heck, give us /inflate!

CaitlynJones

While you’re at it, my gluteus maximus could use some adjustments.

The last two posters are presumably female. Wow. I don’t know if anybody remembers my post discussing the Daedalus Project’s discussion of gender. This adds an interesting perspective. A large number of male MMO players have indicated that they play female characters to have something nice to look at. In fact, the female models often sport the ‘magazine body.’ I will admit, in LotRO, the female model is drawn much better.

I dug through some of the comments in response to my letter to the editor. I didn’t want to register to respond there, so I figured I would bring up a few points here:

· Point: In the same [1852] speech I referenced, Young stated that the master should treat the slave with kindness. I shouldn’t have been so one-sided. My Response: Brigham Young saying to treat the slave with kindness is an insignificant point. He still openly supported the institution of slavery. Slavery is wrong, regardless of whether you treat your slaves kindly.

· Point: You can’t judge a 19th century man with a 21st century standard. Imagine judging Abraham Lincoln for using the N-word when it was used all the time in his day. My response: That’s not an apt comparison at all. I agree that it is wrong to judge a man by a standard that didn’t exist in his day. That’s not what I am doing. I am judging a man by his claim to prophecy and by the standard of his immediate predecessor Joseph Smith, a man who ultimately ended up supporting Abolitionism and conferred high priesthood offices upon blacks.

· Point: Blacks weren’t ready for the priesthood. We need to work by the Lord’s timetable. My response: No. This is a point I tried to make in my letter. This excuse doesn’t cut it anymore. Blacks were apparently ready under Joseph Smith, so clearly the Lord’s timetable made room for them under Smith’s leadership. As a Mormon and a Christian, I demand a real answer.

Thank you. Come again.

Do you ever have one of those days when you’re like, “I am going to write a letter to the editor”? I had one of those days on Wednesday. In retrospect, I will probably piss some people off who are close to me. That’s the way it goes. I figured it would go unnoticed, but it turns out it is the number two most visited article on the Tribune website as of writing this. I figure I would at least milk my new-found popularity and share with you.

Nation Sickened By Sight Of Happy Young Couple

WASHINGTON, DC—Three states have already passed “Get A Room” ordinances to combat the Oak Park, IL couple’s playful nudging and incessant hand-holding.

GRRR.

You really haven’t lived until you have wandered the forest-moon of Endor shooting ewoks. Seriously.

About ewoks, I remember growing up my friends talking about how ewoks were related to wookies. I wonder if it ever occurred to them how stupid that sounded. Wookies are from Kashyyyk while ewoks inhabit the forest-moon of Endor — different parts of the bloody galaxy. Judas Priest, people…

Anyway, a lot of things are really bugging me right now. I will begin to describe them shortly, but first I must tell you about a magnificent dream I had last night: I was walking down the street and saw a retailer of cellular telephones. I entered the store, bought a phone, and purchased a new line of service from a company other than Cingular. Behold, I had a signal. How does this relate to the things bothering me? I hate Cingular with a passion. Nine months of the year, I am primarily at one of two locations: my home or the University of Utah campus. Guess where I don’t get service: my home and the University of Utah campus. I saw an advertisement for Cingular the other day pitching the fact that they have the fewest dropped calls of any network. The statement holds water, since nobody can make a f*cking call for it to drop.

Next, I really, really hate springtime. Many of you are aware that I enjoy taking my dog out for long walks in Memory Grove near City Creek Canyon. Sometime between March and early June the grove is transformed from a dog-walker’s haven to the tunnel of love. Nary a day passes when I see no less than four couples getting wedding pictures and two brides having bridal photos taken. Also, when I try to walk past the cretins, I am scolded for bringing my canine and myself too close to their pictures. Do they expect me to walk in the bushes or up the creek? Where in the park is there a sign reading, “Between March and June, Memory Grove is reserved for happy couples getting wedding pictures”? Oh, how I hate those happy couples.

In conclusion, I want to let everybody know that I don’t understand blondes. Every time I see a blonde bride or bride-to-be in Memory Grove, they always have the biggest hair, the biggest lips, and the biggest dresses I have ever seen. Do blondes always have such an unnatural affinity for all things big? For example, the other day I saw a blonde girl I knew from junior high. She is now married and you should see the size of the diamond on her finger. Imagine if that money were used to pay for college tuition.

I am sorry for the incoherent update. I am really messed up right now…

I am also working on this months title image…