Suboptimist
I’m not quite a pessimist. I’m more of a suboptimist.

First, a disclaimer:

I do not claim this to be a blog of an academic giving academic views on things. When Noam Chomsky is not doing linguistics, he says language and politics are inexorably linked. He does not say that when he is doing real linguistics. I hold views that I would not likely put forth in an academic environment. This is one of those posts.

In Aspects of the Theory Syntax, Chomsky puts forth the claim that linguistics (within his model of methodological naturalism) is the study of the ideal speaker-listener, which I should say is something I criticize, but that’s an entirely different post:

“Linguistic theory is concerned primarily with an ideal speaker-listener, in a completely homogeneous speech-community, who knows its language perfectly and is unaffected by such grammatically irrelevant conditions as memory limitations, distractions, shifts of attention and interest, and errors (random or characteristic) in applying his knowledge of the language in actual performance.” Chomsky (1965), Aspects, p3.

Obviously this is a grand claim. Anyone with a brain is affected by memory limitations. People get distracted, and people make errors (slips of the tongue, etc.). So, obviously this is a silly idea, right? I mean, not even Chomsky is the ideal-speaker listener. The ideal speaker-listener doesn’t exist. The ideal-speaker listener is a theoretical construct. The ideal speaker-listener is a scientific idealization

Why the hell am I talking about this? Believe it or not, I am tying it into the noble Craft. The Craft itself is perfect. Flawless. It’s members are blemishes on the facade of the temple. Our members make errors. We become distracted, bogged down in pettiness. Freemasonry still drags on.

At the end of the day, when the Salt Lake City Masonic Temple is in ruins, the jewels and ornaments of the lodge-room are discarded, when the last demit is read on the lodge floor, one thing remains:

Men who strive to achieve the ideal of Freemasonry clothed in plain white Aprons, ready to labor.

There has a been a popular thread on the Utah Masonic Electronic News board the last several days concerning the state of repair (or disrepair) of the Salt Lake Masonic Temple. It was an interesting discussion. I am obviously not the only Mason in the state of Utah who is troubled by how our building falls apart around us. As the thread is private, I won’t mention any specific examples of what was said, but I will paraphrase a little:

· Nothing is getting done. We keep forming exploratory committees and spending money for architectural consulting, but we then ignore anything those committees or consultants say. We create a hell of a lot of unnecessary bureaucracy.

· We point to the big things that have been done, but ignore all of the all of the little things that are adding up, ultimately trumping the fact that we have a new sound board in the auditorium: the paint, the carpet, the electrical system, the walls, the fact that our roof is, as one brother put it, a swimming pool.

This last Friday, I took my mother and my aunt on a tour of the building (maybe someday I will blog about the bureaucracy I had to go through to get that to happen). I couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed by the large, gaping holes in the walls, the tattered, faded, and torn carpet. I don’t know what to do. Masons in Utah, especially brothers of the six lodges that meet in the temple, love to point to this building and talk about how great it is that we have it. Strangely, we don’t do anything to improve it. Part of me feels the improvement of the building is beyond our control. We entrust its care to a cold, seemingly heartless entity run by old timers who fail to see the changing local economy and fail to think of creative ways to improve the building. I could talk for hours about the failings of this organization alone. Anyway, sorry for that piece of rambling.

I have started work on the major portion of my two big projects this semester (for phonetics and for sociolinguistics). For phonetics, I am investigating L2 subjects’ perception of foreign contrasts, in this case plain and pharyngealized alveolars in Jordanian Arabic, based on the acoustic cues on the preceding vowel, with the hypothesis that subjects will exploit their knowledge of front and backed vowels to discern the difference.

Strangely, given the fact that sociolinguistics has become the bane of my existence this semester, I am most excited for the project I am doing for that class. I am studying stop insertion in Utah English between nasals and sibilants in an optimality theoretic model similar to Ito and Mester’s lexical stratification. Optimality theory is an interesting model. It has the ability to account for fact about human language that traditionally have been neglected or seen as inconvenient facts. Chief among these, is variation. In this case, stylistic variation, since I can’t think of anything about socioeconomic status or gender or ethnicity that predicts the use of this feature. I guess we’ll see how it goes.

Also, reason seven why I don’t go into any medical field.

*EDIT* I just realized how poorly written this is. Sorry.

I know I don’t sleep much anyway, but this week has been miserable. I have a lot on my mind, so I haven’t had the desire or the ability to fall asleep save during the day. As a result, or perhaps a cause, I haven’t wanted to deal with anybody this week, save until this evening. There are still a handful of people I would rather not associate with at this point, and they probably won’t be reading this anyway.

I have some interesting things to say about Coptic at some point: namely its extensive use of infixation and its flawed alphabet. So far, it is a very cool language. I figure it would be important to learn a language that developed on the periphery of the Semitic world to understand the context in which the Semitic languages grew. I will say some things about that later.

For the first time in my Masonic career, I assisted with a degree. Though I didn’t participate in a large capacity by any means, it still felt great to assist the brethren in bringing a candidate from darkness to light. Though I made my share of mistakes, I think it was an overall positive experience. I am working on learning particular parts of the degrees so I can assist again in the future.

I really don’t know why I wrote this, but I had nothing better to do.

Okay, let me give you a run down of observations I have made and things that have been on my mind since Friday night’s open house at the Salt Lake Masonic temple. First, I should say that was, for the most part, successful. The night was not without its weirdoes, like the guy who came with a chip on his shoulder about his abusive father — who would have been still been abusive even if he wasn’t a Mason — the guy who sat in the corner of the room discussing with his companion our errors, and lastly, the angry dyke (a word I use sparingly) who walked up to the greeter and gave M. That one amazed me.

Freemasonry, like all human organizations, is not without it’s rotten eggs. For example, Timothy McVeigh was a Mason. Did he live up to his obligation? No. J. Edgar Hoover, a man for whom I have little respect, was also a Mason. Who else was a Mason? A third of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, Winston Churchill, WEB DuBois, Jean Henri Dunant, and other good men from history. Like all humans, these men were not without their flaws. We have some crappy members, but the rest of us are good men striving to become better.

After the open house, I spoke with a couple of brethren about the nerd-factor in our lodge. We have an interesting crew: a rocket scientist, several computer programmers, role-playing nerds, sci-fi geeks, and Rob the linguist. Missing from our fraternal order of nerds is a musician. If I am not mistaken, every lodge room has a small piano. I think it would make the lodge experience all the more enjoyable if we could incorporate music into the meeting. Mozart wrote an opera about Freemasonry, after all, where is our music?

I am shifting away from Masonic observations. I heard on the radio Saturday morning a story about Wal-Mart’s decision to cell wine. The hosts reading the story read a sardonic list of possible names for the products, all of which poked fun at those who shop at the retailer, clearly labeling them as worthless, uneducated white trash. Now, I personally hate shopping at Wal-Mart almost as much as shopping at Costco. However, I think Americans are beginning to adopt an unnecessary condescending attitude about those who do. I am particularly surprised when I hear those who classify themselves as champions of the poor decry Wal-Mart as a killer of small, local businesses while defaming Wal-Mart shoppers. The simple truth is this: some people can only afford to go to Wal-Mart. Local businesses don’t have the luxury of lowering their prices. We should get rid of Wal-Mart so rich liberals can buy from the locally owned store, while we can let the poor white trash starve.

Now, I am going to dive into something I haven’t touched in ages: American politics. Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you have heard of the massive database of private calls the NSA is collecting. Previously, we heard the story of wiretapping ’selected targets suspected of terrorism.’ This is nauseating. I would feel far more comfortable having the president say, “We are keeping tabs on all of you,” than say, “We are only listening to known terrorists,” followed by a story like this, contradicting everything. Anyway, that being said, it is one in the morning and I have nothing to do, so I decided to complete the following survey:

1. In one sentence, explain what ended your last relationship:
Your mom did. (I would just say, ‘Your mom,’ but that wouldn’t be a sentence.)

2. What made you smile today?
Robert impersonating Bill Cosby, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Yoda.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8a.m.?
Cursing under my breath.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Writing the above post, dumbass.

5. Something that happened to you in 1985?
Umm…I was conceived.

6. Your prom night?
I went with a really good friend, so I had a good time.

7. Last thing you said aloud?
“Stop biting my toe!”

8. Last thing someone else said aloud?
“I am going to bed.”

9. Worst thing currently on television?
I don’t know what’s on TV.

10. What was in the mail today?
The books I ordered from Amazon.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
Like, several.

12. What is your favorite part of the day?
Mid afternoon.

13. Your current To-do list?
What about it? I have one. It has a lot of entries. None of them ever get done.

14. Where is your best friend right now?
Probably in his house.

15. What color is your toothbrush?
White.

16. What is out your back door?
A yard.

17. Any plans for Friday night?
I will be sleeping, probably.

18. Least favorite place to shop?
Costco.

19. Last thing you bought?
A soda.

20. Last gift you received?
I got a couple postcards the other day.

21. Funniest thing you heard all day?
“And he had the chocolate cake squirting out of his nose.”

22. What color is your front door?
I don’t know.

23. Beauty is:
Beautiful?

24. Describe your keychain:
I mangled stormtrooper. A stern warning to any Imperial bastards who cross me..

25. Where do you keep your change?
Learn to accept change, as you may be asking for it on a street corner some day.

26. Say something to the number 1 person in your Top 8:
Hey MySpace, go **** yourself!

27. Describe your winter coat.
Warm.

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
Geez, all I remember about that night is losing to Tess in Soul Calibur II — repeatedly.

29. Last ice cream flavor?
Was very painful to digest. I haven’t had ice cream since.

30. Something you are excited about
Come to think of it, I am excited about being done with this survey.