Suboptimist

Why do you want to go?

By Sasha on Nov 24, 2007

Statement of Intent:

It is my intent to to gain admission to your school/program/etc… For this I have money. As you are a business, I suggest a business transaction. I give you money, as a receipt thereof you grant enrollment.

For your participation in this transaction, you will receive a slightly above average student; one who will mitigate the business risks of this transaction (i.e. brand reputation), by assume the profile of a average student, one who will not ruin your brand image through poor performance, or unnecessarily tarnish your market capitialization by first exceeding expectations only to fall short at some future time.

While this arrangement will certainly offend the sensibilities of your faculity, and is abashedly without academic merit, I am certain your shareholders and trustees will find this agreement amicable.

I offer as a token to assuage the abuses percieved by your staffing, I invite you to consider the over honesty with which I approach you. Certainly, this level of honesty, is absent from the majority of your student population, who subject you to repeated pleas and speculation on furture performance, and their scholastic goals.

As evidenced by this short missive, I am also willing to consider participation in your political science and law schools.

Sincerely

By J. on Dec 8, 2007

@Sasha: Your’s worked better.

@J: They kinda pay for me if I get accepted.

By Rob on Dec 9, 2007