Suboptimist

Let’s motor.

We’re not kidding when we say that Facebook has turned into I-just-found-out-my-friend-is-married-book. Those of us who have grown up in Utah experience the shock more often, I would assume, as Utah is the land of the young happy couples. Not that I am necessarily against it, but it is always really weird to see an old female friend’s profile, but not recognize the last name. Oh, and this isn’t just a Mormon thing. Maybe the high Mormon population influences it, but young marriage here runs across the religious divide. Maybe it unites us.

Anyway, anyone who knows me is probably aware that I have been fixin’ to purchase a motorcycle in the near future. I’ve always wanted one, and upon turning 21 in June, there really isn’t anything anybody can do to stop me from doing it. A motorcycle may be just what I need to firmly establish my new-found boldness. I have found that there are various kinds of motorcycles available to choose from. Here are some possibilities:

· Harley Davidson Sportster. Don’t get me wrong, this is a nifty-looking piece of machinery, and despite my new-found boldness, this bike doesn’t fit my personality at all. I can’t see myself cruising down the boulevard in leather fringe, a mustache and a leather du-rag while listening to Steve Miller. Moving on…

· Kawasaki Ninja. Again, it’s a nice piece of equipment, but the crotch-rocket thing fits me worse than the chopper does. While I’ve met some mean sons-of-bitches who ride choppers, most I’ve met have been likeable, kind human beings. I have never met a guy who rides a bullet-bike that hasn’t been a prick. I also hate the way people ride them. You know, the body armor on the torso, but wearing shorts and a backwards baseball cap. Man, I hate that.

· Honda Gold Wing. I can see how riding a bike that has everything you need (CD player, cup-holder, luggage rack) can be attractive, but I’m not a retiree with a trophy wife. Next.

· 1978 BMW R100. This is the bike for me, assuming you strip off all that added crap like the windshield. Actually, what I want is the R90, which has the power to take me on the highway and looks to lure countless women to ride in the sidecar I intend to purchase with it. I’ll probably put a dog in the sidecar too. The R90 is a classic bike with a classic look, though one question remains…could I handle 900cc-1000cc? I don’t know.

I swear the office is 50-degrees today.