Suboptimist

This is What I Sound Like When I Inhale Sulfur Hexafluoride.

Apparently, inhaling sulfur hexafluoride has the opposite effect of inhaling helium. Xenon would also have the same effect. Both gases, however, are highly dangerous, and such experiments should not be attempted except by trained professionals.

Ihave made the observation, again, that if I don’t care about something, it’s unlikely that I will devote little effort to it. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I don’t care about ancient Mesopotamia until one week after the deadline to drop classes. As a result, I am devoting little effort to my anthropology course.

Things I do care about, however, like Masonry, I am willing to devote some time and effort to. Tonight was the first night I felt like I truly assisted the Craft in initiating a new brother. I stumbled, yes, but nobody can perform flawlessly in anything on their first attempt at it. After tonight’s degree, some of the brethren and I went to Village Inn, where I partook of very bad carrot cake, and discussed some of the ugly internal conflict within the Masonic jurisdiction of Utah. It sickens me to think that men who have taken the same obligation could cast aside their convictions and seek power over light in Masonry.

I am going to play prescriptivist for one moment. There are certain words that, when used in written discourse, need to be spelled a certain way if you want to maintain any credibility. The first of these is the word ‘abstinence.’ I see in my web browser as I write this a Facebook campaign-issue group called, “Abolish abstinance [sic] only sex education..” No. If you can’t spell the word, you have no place in the debate. The other word that comes immediately to mind is the word ‘rogue.’ All to often, I see this word misspelled as ‘rouge.’ People, a rogue is a person who knows no law, while rouge is the stuff that French prostitutes wear on their cheeks.

I sat in a lecture given by Karin Ryding the other day. She reiterated the fact that the way we teach Arabic in this country is *&%$ed. It was very interesting.

I have decided that, having gained weight from my junior year of high school, I look much better in my suit.

I want everyone reading this now to know one thing: I don’t want to go out and get smashed/go to a strip club on my 21^st birthday. Stop telling me you want to take me out to do so.

In conclusion, this is one of the most amusing things I have read in some time. God bless feminists.